Friday, January 2, 2009

On Christmas and Being a Needy Girl

Whoa. I've been gone for a week and half, and it honestly feels more like a month! I see I've got some reading ahead of me to catch up on all the posts I've missed from everyone else...which may actually be hard to do this weekend since SH will be home for once. Ah well, slowly but surely I'll read everything :) And Happy New Year to you all!

So, Christmas. It was interesting. I never did get that phone call with TDH on Christmas day, though I did get to talk to him a couple other times throughout the holidays. Christmas day though, was peppered with messages from him, including my favourite: Good morning and Merry Christmas Katiecat! Miss you so much. Wish you were curled up next to me in bed.

But I didn't hear from him nearly as much as I'd hoped to, and when I asked about it, he told me that his wife was on high alert, figuring since it was Christmas I would definitely be trying to contact him. She was basically glued to him the entire time, and was randomly checking his phone for incoming and outgoing texts and calls. Not exactly a safe situation.

I don't know about anyone else, but I find that often times when I'm away from TDH for an extended period of time - which for us is anything more than a week - I begin to feel a little insecure in our relationship. It's easy to see things that aren't really there, or to dream up that he's being distant, when you're just getting a text message every once in a while.

Usually when I'm away I go through a little phase of thinking maybe he's changed his mind, but then when I'm back in town he's always quick to pick up on it and put my mind at ease. I hate feeling like a needy girl so I try to keep it to myself, but sometimes I just can't help it.

The last time I saw him was December 19th (that's 2 weeks ago - torture!), so this morning he sneaked downstairs with his laptop, and we both got on msn so we could see each other. He spent the first 5 minutes gushing about how gorgeous he thought I looked, and I sat there with a stupid grin plastered on my face because as usual, I was thinking the same thing about him. But still, he seemed a bit standoff-ish.

Then I told him how over the holidays I half-confessed what was going on between us to my best friend. I was surprised to find her being very supportive, because she knows what's been going on between SH and I as well, but she was great about it. I stopped short of telling her that TDH and I had done anything physical, but did tell her that it was definitely an emotional affair.

TDH was surprised that I had told her as much as I had, but then he asked "And did you tell her that I'm completely in love with you?"

And with that one simple question, all was right with the world again. So much for not being a needy girl :)


Anonymous said...

Oh, hit that nail on the head. Distance (whether by time or distance) = insecurity for me. At least it did in the end with Jezebel.

We have these affairs because we need something--when that need stops being fulfilled (because you're away from each other or whatever)--you grow insecure.

Alas. Human nature. It bites us in the ass again.

I.R. Shackleford said...

It is amazing how knowing someone believes in and accepts you for who you are can make a difference in your attitude.

L. said...

Yes, absence, in the case of affairs, does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart desperate and queasy and uncertain.

Somehow the absence-fonder thing seems to work quite well with marriage, though.

The Other Woman said...

Here's hoping 2009 brings you much fun and frolic. I am new to these parts and getting to know people. I'll visit again soon...

Anonymous said...

So glad your worries were, yet again, relieved :) and in such a sweet, breath-taking way!
I can't help but wonder if I will be experiencing more of what you've described as the length and depth of my affair increases... Much to think about.

Southern Swinger said...

Hope 2009 brings you two "closer" togethrt

Anonymous said...

Need is a powerful addiction.

smarty.pants said...

I know what you mean. While I am in the throws of my first emotional and hopefully soon physical affair I know how it feels to be needy and wanting and how 2 minutes of time can make all the difference. Sigh.