Thursday, March 19, 2009

So What Do I Do Now?

Over the past week I've been struggling with what to write. Do I do another update of the TDH situation? Do I post more stories of our affair in happier times? Do I write about what I want someone to do to me? How I feel the need to be ravaged? Do I continue posting at all?

It's odd. When I started this blog I had so much to say - it all came tumbling out in this mixed up, crazy flood of information. Barely any rhyme or reason, just things I had to get out. And now? I still have so much to say, just not entirely sure how to say it, I suppose. But I think I'll stick around. I just need to figure out how I want to fit in now, and how Kate is going to stage her "comeback" so to speak :)

For today though? Just a random list of snippets, to keep you up to speed.

1. I've gone back to bare kitty. In fact, I did it a couple days before the affair ended. And this is how I'm going to stay; silky smooth.

2. The comments on my last post were much appreciated. I know it probably isn't *completely* over, but I'm trying.

3. I realize I'm probably delusional to keep thinking we can remain friends, but he's one of my best. I love him.

4. That being said, we've seen each other about 3 times over the past week, and so far it's all been talk - talk about dirty things, and love without actually saying love.

5. All the dirty talk has been from him. He's also the one who keeps finding ways for us to touch.

6. Yesterday we were alone in a car, on the highway, for two hours. I kept my hands to myself, and he kept reaching out to touch a "hot zone" on my thigh.

7. Does anyone else think that maybe it's him that's not ready to let go?

8. I apologize for my lack of commenting on other blogs lately. Bad Kate! I'll be better, I promise.


hoodie said...

When I was trying to end my affair, I thought I could do the friend thing (you know... you read my post).

And you know what... I could have. I'm not saying it would have been a good idea -- I wouldn't have been able to stay married and do that -- but I could have just hung out and not fucked her.

But she couldn't. And didn't want to. She wasn't ready to let it go. And it was easy for me to get (no pun intended ;-) ) sucked back in.

MizChievous said...

I think I'm in the same boat as far as posting goes. The words are not coming as easy for me anymore either. And I think because I'm going through my own issues, it's hard for me to comment on other blogs--how can I have clarity about someone else's relationship when I don't have it with my own??!! lol

And gosh, I'm trying the 'friendship' thing, again. It will be interesting to see how plays out for the both of us.

Anonymous said...

I was (and am) in a a very similar situation. We are still friends, there is no one else I want, but the time is not right. It will be a long wait, but I'm patient.

Krazy said...

Kate, sorry for being one of the non-believers when it comes to your break-up situation. All I am trying to say is: do not fool yourself!

I know you both *say* you want to end it because it got out of hand, it became too intense, too time consuming and it obviously interferes too much with your everyday activities. I've been there! But he is not ready to let you go. The touching and the dirty talk will eventually suck you back in, because you love him and you want him.

You both need to want to end it to make it happen. He is absolutely NOT ready, even if he says so.

About writing, I suggest not writing about him for a while... not even past events (unless you need to vent, of course). Find another subject, past men in your life, your husband, your life, whatever takes your mind off of him. It will add distraction to your life.

I understand you want to be friends with him, I would want that too. Not an easy thing to do when there's so much physical attraction.

I will read whatever you write, but do what's best for you.

asweetnectar said...

Gotta say that I think most bloggers have hit something in their writing. More or less like a spring fever or something!

I think neither of you want it to end...just my take.

And ending it while remaining friends...I dont think that could really work if you both still have feelings for each other.

Topaz said...

This is really messed up, because everyone I seem to be reading is going through their own version of a lull. I give you serious love girl - you seem to be holding strong on how you feel. It's good that you seem able to control your emotions regardless of his behaviour. But, quick Q, if it's not too much to ask, why were you on the highway together for 2 hours?

Anonymous said...

I sympathize and empathize and echo everyone's sentiments....

Riff Dog said...

"Does anyone else think that maybe it's him that's not ready to let go?"

Sounds like it to me!

Amy said...

I am in the same situation. I have just ended an affair today. I created a blog of my own to help deal with the issues. But I do appreciate reading what others have experienced.

Insatiable Kate said...

hoodie - *sigh* I know...

Miz - Hope it works out for you! And if you figure it out, please let me know!

wryguy - I'm finally starting to realize that the time will probably never be right for us.
You are a very patient man.

Krazy - Don't worry! I know you're just being realistic :) And I may take your advice about the posting, thanks!

Nectar - I know...but as a friend, he's one of my best.

Topaz - LOL! Welllllll, he called me and said he had to head out of the city on business, and asked if I would go along to keep him company. But I swear, nothing happened!

Ronald - Thank you :)

Riff - Thank you for seeing it too!

Amy - Oh honey, my heart goes out to you :(