Sunday, December 7, 2008

How He and I Became "Us" - Part 2

After that first night, and the subsequent emails that followed in the morning, the flirt was on. Suddenly every meeting we were locking eyes, delivering coy smiles, and playing footsie under the boardroom table. Every move I made while in his line of sight was done with the intention of getting him to notice, every outfit I picked out was with him in mind, every time he was near me he took the opportunity to bump into me, flash me his sexy grin, or call me into his office for help on a project, when he needed no help at all.
Those first few months were filled with so many dirty emails and text messages that I lost count. But in person we were much slower with our actions, remaining fairly shy around each other besides the occasional "accidental" touch or eye lock that was enough to make my knees buckle.
I remember the first day he actually touched me in an inappropriate way. We had been emailing back and forth all morning, when he began telling me that I should come down to his office, walk around the back of his desk so I could see his screen, and "help him" with a project he was working on. He said he wanted to touch my thigh. I told him I'd think about it.
Five minutes later I walked down to his office and asked him what I could do for him. He smiled and said "Come over here and tell me what you think of these numbers," then pushed himself back just a little, so I could wedge myself in between him and his desk to look at his screen.
I remember my heart was beating so fast, and being terrified, and asking myself just what the hell I was doing. But I walked around to him anyways, put my palms down on his desk, and bent at the waist to look at his screen. I remember the warmth of his hand touching the inside of my leg just above my knee, and my eyes closing briefly at how good it felt. He slid his hand slowly up my thigh, then grazed his fingers across the crotch of my pants just once, before sliding his hand back down my leg, and then pulling away.
I looked back at him while he stared back at me with a grin on his face, then I said "I like what you've done here, let me know when it's complete and I'll come back for another look." Then I walked out of his office, back down the hall, and sat down at my desk trembling. Holy hell. Did that just happen? Had another man just touched me like that?
From that moment on things progressed a little more every day. Soon he was touching me all over, then he was guiding my hands to his belt, coaxing me with his eyes to slip my hand inside. We began going for lunch together every day, and I would come in to work early, and he would stay late, just so we could see each other longer.
When we weren't talking about sex, we were still great friends, talking about our marriages, our spouses, things happening in our lives at the moment, details of our lives before we met each other. He is actually a christian, very set in his beliefs, attends church every week, has a strong sense of right and wrong.
You may wonder then, how he ever let himself get into this situation with me. I have often asked myself the same thing - but the only answer I can give you is the one I have to give about myself. For some insane, ridiculous reason, neither of us felt any guilt. I have no idea how that's possible, especially with me being raised Catholic, but it's true.
The other thing is, we had discussed many times that what we were doing was just having a bit of fun. We had said that no matter what happened, the end result would never be sex. We were just messing around, and both of us felt that sex was going too far. Odd to claim to have morals when you're allowing yourself everything but sex, but that's the way we felt.
So as time went on, we went a little farther, and a little farther, until really, the only thing that was left to do was to have sex. So we did it. In the office, right before he left for the day. It was quick and dirty - me up on a desk in a cubicle, my skirt shoved up, my legs around his waist, and him fucking me fast and furious.
When it was over he kissed me, and we calmly walked back to our offices, then he packed up and left. I remember watching him from my office window, walking to his vehicle, thinking that it would probably be over now, because I was sure the guilt of what we had just done would eat at us both...


Anonymous said...

I had completely forgotten about that initial debilitating feeling of guilt until I read your post. The fear that it might be over coupled with realizing that your marriage might be on fragile ground leaves you in no-mans land.

But I also remember how excited I was about the possibilities ;)

Bad Girl said...

I agree with my button - that first moment has so many different emotions mixed into it. Looking forward to hearing more of your story!