Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Marriage of TDH

So a bit of history on TDH and his marriage.

They got married very young, even younger than SH and I, and have one child. His wife is nice enough, and even funny at times, but has always given me a weird vibe. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but she has some quirk that makes me uncomfortable.
At first glance they seem perfectly happy, and on the whole I would say that they generally are happy. But under the surface there are things that he's confessed to me that have shown me that their marriage is not picture perfect.
For one thing, she's cheated on him. Twice that he's told me about. I know, I know, he's cheating on her with me right now, so how can I judge her? Well let me explain...
She carried on an affair with someone she knew for about 6 months a few years ago. They were together every weekday for a few hours a day outside of work, plus he was a colleague. They shared time, thoughts, feelings, love, and some physical things with each other, but stopped short of sleeping with each other because she felt that was crossing the line.

is it with people who don't think it's cheating unless you actually have sex!?!?! Newsflash: what you're doing is still cheating.

Anyways, she finally confessed to TDH one day what had been going on, and they decided to work through it and stay together. Which they did.
Now TDH is what you might call a flirt to the tenth power. Women of all ages seem to fawn over him, and he's a bit of a Casanova that way. Before we started our affair, he told me about a woman that he had considered starting an affair with, but had decided that he didn't actually feel strongly enough about her to pursue it. Then there are several other women that he has done some heavy flirting/texting/emailing with, but none have ever resulted in anything beyond that.
A few months ago when he and I were out together, we somehow came upon the subject of his wife and her past infidelities. He looked a little uncomfortable about it, and when I asked him about it he finally blurted out that she had also cheated one other time. His face went red, and he put his head down, almost as though he was ashamed for me to know. I asked him about the details and he told me that about 2 years earlier his wife had gone out for an evening, gotten drunk, then asked some random bar guy for a ride home. Apparently she had given him a blowjob on the way to her house.
I have to tell you, hearing about that incident actually made me really angry. For some reason, an affair is easier for me to understand than a random act of indiscretion. That's not to say that I think it's any more wrong to have a one night stand or anything, it's just something that I personally wouldn't do - and I honestly think that's only because I'm such an emotional person. I don't think I could handle all the feelings that would come with a one time thing.
Then several weeks ago when we were cozied up together in a little coffee shop, we somehow got on the topic of infidelity again. I asked him to tell me everything about all the women he has ever had anything with, and if any of it was still going on. And again, this is going to sound ridiculous since I'm his mistress, thus have no say over who he messes around with - but I wanted to be sure there was no one else. I've told him before - my only rule is that if he should ever decide to get involved with someone else beyond me, he has to let me know. I refuse to be involved in anything more complicated than the triangle I'm already in. He's it for me, and when and if we're ever over, I'm done.
So he confessed everything to me. He told me about every chick, in great detail, when he met them, what had happened, how it had ended. And he hasn't slept with any of them. Some of you may think I'm being naive, but I believe him. Why would he hold back? There's not really a point to lying to each other - plus he knows every dirty detail about my past - so why lie?

There is another reason I don't think he's lying's the fact that we've been caught by his wife before...but that's for another post...


I.R. Shackleford said...

Interesting, I've said that I would never get involved with anyone again as well. But, it just didn't happen that way.

I.R. Shackleford said...

after a little thought, I feel it should be added, that the extra-circular activities are not the problem, they are a manifestation of the problem. unless you treat the problem, it will manifest itself again.

Freak At Heart said...

So she has already caught you guys once? That is amazing that you are able to still continue your relationship! Lucky you, and even more so lucky him! ;-)

A Secret Freak said...

I am dying to know the details of you two getting caught.. you left me hanging!

Anonymous said...

Enthralling writing...I can't wait to

Insatiable Kate said...

IR - I know, I can see how it can happen more than once. And I completely agree, manifestation indeed!

Freak - Yep. We've been caught - and believe me, we both know how lucky we are.

Secret Freak - Details are coming, I promise!

Edens Dragon - Glad you're enjoying it :)

Helen said...

One of the reasons so many of us are in danger and having painful experiences is because our culture is so judgmental about consensual sex between adults. In our culture, consensual sex between adults can lead to loss of livelihood, loss of custody of minor children, loss of physical safety, and in rare (but not nearly rare enough, because the number should be zero) cases, death.

Let's cut TDH's wife some slack. Look at it this way: the worst thing you can say about her is she's one of us.

We can criticize people for broken promises, hypocrisy, and offer unsolicited advice on better life choices. If it's our partner, we can decide to part ways or stay together, and we deserve support to make whatever choice is going to be healthy for us.

But right or wrong, stupid or not, innocent or guilty, if it's consensual sex between adults, the consequences shouldn't cause irreparable harm. Do you agree?

I know it might be too much to ask feel compassion for someone who you feel might be putting you at risk and I sincerely hope that *all* of you -- and all of us -- get out of this safe, and end up happy and healthy and free.

Shack, I'm in mind of two other bloggers you and I are familiar with as I write these words. I sure as hell hope they're okay.