tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49184085712413911772024-02-20T14:53:07.509-06:00An Insatiable AffairI love my husband, but I'm IN love with another man. As if life wasn't complicated enough...Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-69374232451976476282010-05-05T21:47:00.002-05:002010-05-05T22:58:30.681-05:00And time keeps ticking by...Again, months have passed since I've been here.<div><br /></div><div>I left my last post with an unfinished story. Long story short, it ended up with weeks and weeks of him begging me to let him back in my life, in any capacity. I eventually caved, though it was with worry and apprehension.</div><div>The affair aside, I missed him. Missed everything about him. How he made me laugh, how I could be myself with him, his intelligence and wit, the comfort of being anywhere with him...just everything.</div><div>The first month was spent getting to know each other again. It was as though we hadn't seen each other in years. And the first time we were alone together he kissed me, and tried to do much more than that. I resisted. For the first time ever, I told him no. My heart was too fragile to just jump back into it like that.</div><div>Then I asked him if we could go for a walk, and I told him what had happened over the summer. I told him that my doctors thought I had cancer. And what that had been like, and how scared I was, and how relieved I was when I found out after tests and the longest waiting period of my life, that I actually didn't have it. And I showed him the scar, where they had taken out pieces of me to test.</div><div>And then he stopped walking, and took my hand, and pulled me against his chest, and he cried. Sobbed actually, because he hadn't been there when I needed him the most. And I hate to say it, but I was happy he lost it like that. Because for once he was realizing what it was like to lose me, instead of me always having to deal with losing him.</div><div>After that conversation, he looked at me with new eyes. More appreciative I think, which was nice.</div><div>And time went by. And we saw each other, but never as often as before. I didn't care though, because I had him back in my life, and the ache began to go away. It wasn't exactly how it was before, because now it was more just being together. Our time together was more intimate, even in public, and he touched me and looked at me so tenderly, like something you'd see in a movie. And he sang to me, which, if you knew me at all, you would understand how that would affect me.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, as our relationship had always been a roller coaster, why would this time be any different?</div><div><br /></div><div>One morning I got up to find seven texts from him waiting for me. The first telling me to change my voicemail so it wasn't me saying "You've reached Kate..." Then another saying his wife had found his cell phone bill, and knew he had been talking to someone every morning. And on and on like that until the last message, when he said "I told her it was you, she knows we've been in touch. I'll call you later."</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, fuck.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you've been here for a while, you know that we had been caught before, by his wife, and as far as she knew, we hadn't talked in over a year.</div><div><br /></div><div>That day was close to the most stressful of my life. He called me from a payphone on his way to work, and explained how she had confronted him with his cell phone bill. He said that he had confessed we had been talking, but that was all, and that we had never met up in person. He told me she was thinking about calling my husband to tell him. Then he said he'd call me later somehow. I promised him I'd try to smooth things over with her if she called.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the end, she emailed me. And though it killed me to do it, I emailed her back. I told her that I was sorry, and that the affair was over, and this had just been he and I maintaining a friendship. I asked her not to tell my husband (as she had threatened in her email to me), and said if she would agree to that, she would never hear my name again. That I would never contact TDH again as long as I lived.</div><div><br /></div><div>She actually emailed me back, nicely - if that was even possible, and thanked me for my honesty. She said she wasn't going to tell my husband, and I sent her back a one liner thank you.</div><div><br /></div><div>That was about...six or seven weeks ago. I haven't heard from TDH since.</div><div><br /></div><div>That surprised me, truthfully, because I thought he would at least find a way to talk to me. Even if just to say that our relationship, in all capacities, had to end. But nothing.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've made my peace with it though. My heart has begun to quit hurting, and I've started to close off the pieces of my brain and heart that he held.</div><div><br /></div><div>And so I've decided to end this blog. I'm going to leave it up, in case anyone else can learn from my mistakes. I will check in on the rest of you from time to time though, as I do now when I have a moment. I can't thank any of you enough for the comments of support, and the emails to check in on me when I hadn't been around for a while. I do love you all, and I'll never forget your part in this time of my life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm going to end this with what I would say to TDH if I could see him once more, with what I would say to close the door to his piece of my heart for good...</div><div><br /></div><div><i>You're welcome for being your cheerleader, no matter what it was you were trying for, and no matter who else told you that you would fail. You're welcome for all the times I told you how amazing and funny and intelligent you are. You're welcome for always believing in you. You're welcome for all the love I gave to you, and for how much of my life and soul I gave up for you. You're welcome for all the times I held your hands, and came to sit in waiting rooms with you in the middle of the night when a spot opened up for you to have an MRI or CT scan done.* You're welcome for the fact that I would always drive to where you are, to make it easier for you. You're welcome for the best sex of your life (his words). You're welcome for all the music I introduced to you, for all the things I taught you, and for always giving you all of me.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>And thank you for making me feel like the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen. For appreciating my sense of humour, for giving me self confidence, for appreciating me at work. For the time when I finally sang to you, and for you telling me that you could never hear enough of my voice. For teaching me how to shoot, and for telling me how hot I looked with a .357 Magnum in my hands, hitting targets like it was nobody's business. Thank you for appreciating my body, to the point where I began to not totally despise the way I look. Thank you for loving me - even though you also broke my heart, more than once - I never felt more loved than by you. You'll always own a little part of me, and though it hurts, I will never regret you being a part of my life. I've loved you and will love you.</i></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*He had some health problems which he was forever having tests for.</span></div>Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-81765273231294158132010-01-31T09:03:00.000-06:002010-01-31T09:04:16.853-06:00The Email<div>This is what was waiting for me that day...</div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">So it's been almost 2 months since you've talked to me - and even before that - for the last while - when we talked your level of interest in what I had to say seemed pretty low. I was realizing that you may in fact be losing interest in me altogether and that the hassles of even talking to me were possibly getting to the point of not being worth it. </span></em></div><div><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">One day after a particularly brief and one sided conversation I realized, wow, I'm taking a lot of risk here for someone that doesn't seem to want to put any effort into continued communication. So... I decided to slow the communication down from my end to see what happened. You once told me that if I stopped talking to you, you would find a way to contact me... and that you'd never let me slip away... that didn't happen.... My g-mail sat empty for possibly the longest 2 months of my life as I waited patiently and with extreme hope that I was wrong. I checked my inbox daily hoping to get a message from you at least questioning the lack of contact...at least expressing concern as to why I had possibly stopped communication. Nothing. </span></em></div><div><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">So here I am... 2 months later, realizing and coming to terms with the fact that you really did not care about me, or our relationship as much as I'd thought you did. I don't know when you decided that you would only continue it if I did all the work. I don't know when you decided to give up on something I risked so much for... I don't know a lot of things. What I do know is that realizing more and more as the days went on that your attitude towards us (at least to the outside) was actually pretty selfish, cut me deep. </span></em></div><div><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">I guess the reason I'm finally writing this is because if our relationship is actually officially over - which is how it seems at least from here -then it should have an official end. I guess that's how things are done right? or do people just go their separate ways and avoid all contact once things collapse?? </span></em></div><div><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">Just know this Kate... You meant a lot to me... you still do. You were a major and very significant part of my life. I will never forget you. The wound that was created by your lack of effort to make any contact as days turned to weeks will take time to heal... a long time. I'm guessing 10 years from now I'll still wonder on almost a daily basis how you're doing. I'll wonder what could have been if only you'd sent me one e-mail asking me"hey, whats up!?" Even just a simple "?"- I also completely understand that these wounds I now carry are partially self inflicted... I did after all decide to put a stop to my texts for a bit. I just never in a million years suspected you'd just roll with it and take it in stride. I would have bet money you cared enough about our relationship to at least see what was up. But nope... I guess I'm not always right after all!<br />So, at least according to twitter/blogger you seem to be doing well. It seems your work situation has improved somewhat.. and you seem to be having fun on the"road of life" so to say. I'm sorry that I'm not part of it. Sorry also to have thought you really wanted me to be part of it...<br />Hm... so what's the point of this e-mail? - I don't know. Perhaps to let you know what I've been feeling. To give you answers? To apologize for playing games? - Perhaps the "chick" inside me (that we've always joked about) needed to write this as some sort of closure? perhaps I was hoping for hope? Who knows... whatever my subconscious intentions where, here it is... all laid out for you to do with as you please.<br />I have always and will always love you Kate. I will always remember you with a smile on my face. I will always remember your smile, your laugh, your wit, your mind... all of that. You are an amazing woman. Hope others in your life get the honor of seeing in you what I saw.</span></em></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>What would you do with an email like this?</div>Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-46413689737895370692010-01-26T15:42:00.000-06:002010-01-26T15:54:48.097-06:00It's Been a While...So, hi! Talk about falling off the face of the earth, right? I've been gone for somewhere around six months, maybe more. <div>I have no idea if anyone even checks in here anymore, or even what anyone has been up to, but still I want to thank everyone that emailed me while I was away. Your care and thoughtfulness mean so much to me.</div><div>I suppose I should start with what happened to make me disappear...</div><div><br /></div><div>As some of you may remember, TDH and I were back into the thick of things with our affair. We were hot into it, but still something was up. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on, but that I knew was there.</div><div>One night I was out with a bunch of girlfriends and he was texting me. Near the end of my evening, he texted that he had to go, but that we'd talk the next day. I told him goodnight and never thought anything else about it.</div><div>The next day came and went with no contact from him. Odd, but I decided not to think much of it, because I knew he occasionally had a day when his wife was literally velcroed to him.</div><div>The following day went by, again with no contact. I was a little miffed, but thought maybe something was just going on at home.</div><div>I decided that if I didn't hear anything by the next day, I'd email him. (I don't know if anyone remembers, but because of being found out the year before, I never texted him first anymore, just to be safe.) When that fourth day rolled around however, I was pissed. What was his problem? Why was he being such an ass? I thought he'd contact me soon enough, and that when he did I'd find out once and for all what was up. But he never did.</div><div><br /></div><div>Not for two months.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I never contacted him either.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was this strange mix of heartbroken, angry, irritated, incredulous...and in a weird way, relieved. Relieved that it was over, that finally the affair was done once and for all. But unbelievably sad at the same time, because when all the crap was scraped away, I loved him, and clearly he didn't feel the same way.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I wiped his link from my vanilla blog, deleted him from my twitter account, never went to his side of the city, quit listening to the music he'd introduced me to, stopped wearing clothes I knew he liked me to wear, and basically did everything I could to lock any thoughts about him far, far away.</div><div><br /></div><div>About three times during those two months I allowed myself to check his blog. Each time I would read quickly, scanning, trying to see if there was some sort of clue about what had happened, what was going on, but nothing. I would shut the window after about 10 minutes, feeling sick to my stomach and angry at myself for slipping up.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then one day, I decided that I had to email him. I had to at least say what I needed to say, to tell him exactly what I thought, so that I could move on completely, and not think about him anymore. I logged on to Twitter and saw a tweet he had put up just hours before. It said something along the lines of "I guess two months of no contact should be enough of a sign..." and then just moments before I logged in "I'll check my email once more, then I may as well delete that account."</div><div><br /></div><div>This infuriated me beyond belief, as I knew those messages were both for me. I logged into my gmail to write him a scathing message, but as the page loaded, I saw an email from him waiting for me...</div>Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-63757745636743730502009-07-03T10:42:00.002-05:002009-07-03T10:51:18.821-05:00The "Fight" Is OnTDH and I often talk tough to each other. Since he's got some considerable size over me, he gets a real kick out of how I always claim to be able to "take him" should the two of us ever have a fight. And by "fight" we both mean more along the lines of a wrestling match, the likes of which will lead to some ramped up sex. We've talked about having this fight for <em>ages</em>, but so far have never had enough time to actually have it. That's probably because when we are alone together, we jump right into the sex :)<br />Ah well, the following is a conversation we had via text this morning:<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">I want to have a physical fight with you...</span><br />Oh yeah? Too bad I'd totally own you ;)<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">You would not! I'm tough! But it would be fun...<br /></span>It would be fun! But honestly, you're fiesty and all, but you're little...I will so own you :) You'll be all squirmy, but that's about it...<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">Size isn't always the most important thing though, grasshopper. I'd at least like the chance to try!</span><br />A chance you will get, little one :)<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">You're such a big talker - I'd cause trouble though.<br /></span>Maybe, but if things are not going well I'll just pick you up, sling you over my shoulder, and walk. Not much you can do up there...<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">LOL! It's on baby! Keep teasing me like that you'll get a fight for sure!<br /></span>You mean a mini Katiecat squirm? ;)<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">You just keep it up mister, I'll surprise you yet! I can kick your ass...<br /></span>Yeah maybe, but the problem with kicking is that you have to be right-side up, and on the ground, lol.<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">I'm not worried - I'll just never let myself get in a position where you can pick me up like that.<br /></span>I'll just grab your arm, pull you close, bear hug you, and flip you upside down. Easy!<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">Oh, like it's just that easy!<br /></span>Actually, it kind of is...<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">Oh, whatever TDH, you'll see!<br /></span>So will you...and the world will look upside down to you :)<br /><br />Would anyone <em>not </em>want to fight with this man?Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-10767923589605355532009-06-29T18:47:00.002-05:002009-06-29T18:54:52.791-05:00No Smoke Break For Me, But a Sex Break is Fine<div>Last Friday TDH had the day off.<br /><br /></div> <div>I knew he was home alone working in his garage, and that he would probably be looking all types of sexy-man-working-on-macho-<wbr>rough-guy-type-things gorgeous, so naturally I began the morning thinking about him. As on most days, he had talked to me on my drive to work, then had continued to text me throughout the morning.<br /><br /></div> <div>As was to be expected, by lunch I was turned on beyond all rational thought, and was trying to think of ways to be able to see him.<br /><br /></div> <div style="font-style: italic;">You should know, I work halfway across the city from where he lives, which is no quick drive, even without rush hour.<br /><br /></div> <div>Around 1 o'clock he texted that he was going inside to take a quick shower and then was planning on tidying up the house before starting to make dinner. He made mention of the fact that he was wishing I was there, and that he would love to walk out of the bathroom and see me on his bed. </div> <div>I restrained myself from jumping in my car and heading over there - I had work to do.<br /><br /></div> <div>But then when he texted a while later, saying that his shower was done and that he was wearing this certain t-shirt that I love, I couldn't resist anymore. I grabbed my keys and purse, jumped in the elevator, got in my car, and drove like a woman possessed for his house - but I didn't tell him I was coming.<br /><br /></div> <div>About 3 minutes before I got there I sent him a quick text saying "Too bad I couldn't come over to distract you for a quick break, I miss your lips." He texted back with "Where are you?!?!" I gave him his answer about 2 minutes later when I knocked on his door.<br /><br /></div> <div>He opened the door, bust into a huge grin, said "hi", shut the door behind me, and I tackled him. Kissing, groping, arms around his neck, wanting to undo his jeans but telling myself that I didn't have time for anything besides a quick kiss. But if wasn't long before he had me pinned up against the wall, my pants undone, one leg up and on his hip, and I was undoing his belt.<br /><br /></div> <div>He pulled me over to the couch, demanded "Get your panties off!" to which I happily obliged, and then he pushed me down and slid himself into me. After several moments of us moving together, him kissing me, and biting his way up and down my legs, he was telling me he was going to cum, but as soon as he said it I hissed "Don't you <span style="font-style: italic;">dare</span>!" and pushed him off me.</div> <div>I made him sit on the couch, then straddled him, lowering myself down onto his cock, while he let his head fall back and let out a long, low "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck Kate."<br /><br /></div> <div>Riding him like that is my absolute favorite position, and I was screaming with an orgasm in record-time. A moment later he bit his lip, then thrust so hard that he pushed me up off the couch, and I was balanced on his cock, my legs hanging over his hips.<br /><br /></div> <div>His orgasm lasted almost an entire minute, him shuddering and holding me tighter and tighter. I love when he finishes like that. The more we have sex, the more intense his orgasms become, lasting a little longer each time. He tells me he has never finished with his wife that way - and I take great happiness and accomplishment in that.<br /><br /></div> <div>After a quick clean-up I was back at his front door, where he bent down to my face and thanked me for making him take a break. A soft kiss and a big hug later I was back on the city streets, hauling my ass back to work.<br /><br /></div> <div>When I walked in, no one said anything or asked where I was.<br /><br /></div> <div>That won't be the last time for a visit like that :)</div>Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-43960104768700335832009-05-24T17:01:00.000-05:002009-05-24T17:06:55.331-05:00To Steal a Lyric From Madonna......I fall deeper and deeper the further I go.<br /><br />For all of you that have been where I am, and knew better, I guess I've learned my lesson. TDH and I are back in the thick of things - why didn't I listen to all you smart people? LOL.<br /><br />So we decided to call it quits at the beginning of March. I think that lasted about a month? Somewhere around there? I don't even remember.<br /><br />We were doing pretty well, seeing each other once or twice a week, always in a public place, so that we'd have to at least try and behave. Nothing physical happened during that time, besides the hug we would always give each other when we were saying goodbye.<br /><br />Then one afternoon he called me spur of the moment and said he was going to be in my part of the city, and could I meet for coffee? It just so happened that I had a couple hours free that afternoon, so I jumped in my car and headed to meet him. We spent nearly two hours grinning at each other, flirting, talking about anything and everything, then headed out to our respective cars to head home. Just when I was turning to hug goodbye, he asked if he could jump in my car with me for a moment, so we could get out of the snow. I said sure, and we jumped in where I cranked the heat.<br /><br />He asked me to give him a hug, which I did. Then we chit-chatted for a moment, then he asked for another hug - this time he held me a little longer, and I could feel his face turn to bury his nose in my hair, and inhale my perfume. I pulled away and said "Hey! You're not supposed to be doing that!" in a mock-scolding voice. He told me he knew that, and that he was sorry. And then I reminded him that it was <span style="font-style: italic;">him</span> who always decided what we were doing was wrong, not me, and that I was just trying to help him stick to his decision.<br /><br />He grinned at me, and we started talking again. Soon he said he had to go, and leaned forward to hug me one more time. But instead, he took my face in his hands, pulled me close to him, and gave me the softest, most knee-buckling kiss I've ever received. When he pulled away, he said "Thanks for coming to meet me! You should call me once I'm in my car."<br /><br />Would you believe that I was actually sitting there with my mouth open? I thought that kind of shock only happened in the movies, but I literally couldn't do anything but stare after him. It took me a couple minutes to blink, close my mouth, and realize that it was time to drive home.<br /><br />I vaguely remember calling him and asking what the hell that had been about, when he said "I don't know. I was just sitting across from you today, and wondering how one person could be so beautiful, and I just couldn't help myself."<br /><br />Well. Alright then.<br /><br />That one kiss led to a tirade of dirty pictures being send back and forth, but past that, and the occasional kiss or quick cop-a-feel, we didn't physically go any farther.<br /><br />We had more than one conversation in person and over messenger where I asked him if he knew what he was doing. I repeatedly asked him if I decided to cut him from my life, if he'd be able to get over me. I know him, and I know that it's only a matter of time before his guilt starts to bother him again, and then things will get weird, and then I'll be sad...you know, that old vicious circle. I just keep thinking, maybe if we cut if off completely, he'll be able to move on, and I can quit being the cause of so much of his stress.<br /><br />But I finally quit suggesting it after every time I brought it up I was met with panic and pleading and confessions that no matter how much I cut myself off from him, he would still be in love with me.<br /><br />I must say though, this time around things seem to be better. I'm trying to be more relaxed about it all. We've all but cut out our "I love you's", as they've been replaced with "I like you's", which, to both of us, means love anyways. We once had a conversation about the whole like/love topic, and we both decided that while you may love people, you don't necessarily have to love them, so that when you say like, you mean much more. Our convoluted thought process is fucked, what can I say?<br /><br />We've had a discussion about him talking about his wife, and though I said that I'll listen when he feels the need to talk about her - as I talk about SH once in a while - sometimes I'm just not up for it.<br /><br />It's funny - maybe that break was what we needed. Since we've had it, he seems to be the one who can't get enough, who misses me almost instantly, who impatiently waits for me to call him every day, who is always wanting more, more, more. And I <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> feel that way, I'm just trying to keep it more reigned in this time - it makes a girl feel good to be wanted :)Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-17660418576189294702009-05-09T20:54:00.002-05:002009-05-09T21:01:29.663-05:00My First Hate CommentIn regards to my last post...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Wow. How much bullshit is this blog???? A lot!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Aside from YOU, who would possibly empathize with you? You are most unlikeable and your story doesn't ring true. That's why there's no new entries---and who would believe your past entries anyway?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">I was late in joining your blog---I followed the herd of those not getting laid, who will cling to the story of anyone, such as yourself. Sad all around.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">I hope you get caught.</span><br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br />Just out of curiosity "TippyToes," if you think I've made up all my past posts, how, pray tell, would I be able to get caught?<br /><br />Yeah. Smooth move.<br /><br />If I made it all up, there's no one to catch me.<br /><br />But I will address something you've said - there have been no new posts. Agreed. My reason for that is that I've fallen back into the relationship with TDH, and had no idea how to write about it. Even though most people would be totally within their rights to say "Told you so!", I didn't really want to hear it.<br /><br />So there you have it. The affair is back on. I'll be back soon with details.<br /><br />And just as a side note, I've never made up one single detail on this blog - what would be the point? No one knows me anyway, so what would I have to gain?Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-57043644743582035572009-04-22T15:10:00.002-05:002009-04-22T15:48:20.605-05:00How Do I Get Myself INTO These Situations?Oh right - by flirting.<br /><br />Fuckity.<br /><br />As if the TDH situation isn't enough of a challenge for me, I seem to have gotten myself into another mess. A really doozy.<br /><br />Allow me to set the stage: I work in a very male-populated industry. It does me well to lay on the female charm with some of my clients (and no, I'm not some sort of escort - I work in a big office building downtown, for a great big company), and thus far, it's always gotten me what I needed. I win people over, close deals, and use my soft, giggly voice to smooth things over on the phone.<br /><br />Alright, so I've got this one client - about 52, the CEO of his company, married, halfway across the country, loves to flirt back, is intelligent, and funny. Essentially, if I was about 17 years older, he'd be quite the catch.<br /><br />I've been dealing with him for about 4 years now, and though we work well together, and always get things done, our emails back and forth to each other have always been somewhat flirtatious. About a year ago, I had to send him some files when we were both at home, so we inadvertently exchanged personal email addresses. He emailed me out of the blue one day, asking if that was okay, and I said it was fine.<br /><br />Since then we've exchanged the occasional personal email, never overly flirty, until about 3 months ago, when he sent me a drunken message. In this email he began telling me how he thinks about me sometimes and how he loves the sexy glint in my eye in the one picture I had sent him of DD and I right after she was born. It wasn't anything <span style="font-style: italic;">too</span> far, but still, I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't.<br /><br />Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. He emails again, asking how I've been, and apologizing for his previous email. I write back, tell him it's great to hear from him, and that I'm a big girl and I can handle it, but that I was surprised for all of that to come to light. I mean, we had just been flirting all these years, after all.<br /><br />He writes back. Whoa. He listed everything he loved about me, said that even though it didn't start with a physical attraction, he definitely has a thing for me. He loves my laugh, the sound of my voice, the way he can hear me smiling on the other end of the phone, how I love to banter with him in emails, how I'm so smart, and my sense of humour...and then says that he thinks about the day we'll meet. (It's inevitable really, because he sometimes has business here.) He wants to take me out to some incredible restaurant...and that even though he knows we're both married, he can't help but think about what he wants to happen after dinner...<br /><br />(Those were all his words, by the way.)<br /><br />THEN he says that he's flying to Vancouver in May, and just for the sake of conversation, what would I do if he sent me a plane ticket to meet him there?!?<br /><br />Oh.My.God.<br /><br />So, I panicked, and emailed him back trying to gently tell him that while I was incredibly flattered at his email, I thought he was crazy. I said that I enjoyed our messages, and that he was fun...but we had better rein things in a little. And I said that though I'm sure Vancouver would be fun, I thought it best not to risk any trouble we may get into.<br /><br />I was trying to let him down, without letting him down.<br /><br />That failed. Epically.<br /><br />He sent me another email where he had taken everything I'd said and turned it around to make it sound like I would <span style="font-style: italic;">love</span> to meet up with him, and it seemed as though we were "on the same page" with what we wanted.<br /><br />Um...what?<br /><br />So now, I'm sitting here with this open reply box, which I've been looking at for two days, unsure of exactly what to write. Obviously I need to clear things up quickly, but I do love to work with him, and I would hate to jeopardize the relationship we have...oooooh Kate, this is a delicate line.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-7640989511754283422009-04-02T10:05:00.001-05:002009-04-02T10:35:43.123-05:00I WantI want to feel small to you, so that I have to look up to see your face, and that when you want to hug me properly you almost have to stoop. I want you to have to tilt my face up to you for a kiss, while you bend your head down to reach my lips.<br /><br />I want you to have large, strong hands. I don't care if they're rough to the touch, because I know that when I feel them dance across my skin, they will turn silken and smooth.<br /><br />When I'm tired, or scared, I want to bury my face in your chest and feel your arms envelope me. I want to feel safe there, as if you would never let anything hurt me.<br /><br />I want you to kiss me like my breath is the only thing keeping you alive. Like you need me to breathe; like I'm your lifeline.<br /><br />I want you to get lost in my eyes, with an intensity that makes me want to look away, but not be able to. Like if you look harder, you can find everything you ever wanted in the windows to my soul.<br /><br />I want you to play with me, tease me, wrestle me, tickle me. I want to put up a fight, but have you pin me down, so that I know you're in control, and to finally succumb to you.<br /><br />I want you to pick my brain, make me laugh, make me think, make me work. Devour me, so that you know me inside and out.<br /><br />I want you to feast upon my flesh and my mind alike, but have it never quite be enough.<br /><br />Be insatiable. Like I am for you.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-77715327766637834462009-03-26T22:57:00.002-05:002009-03-25T23:07:01.451-05:00And I Thought I Was BallsyBy way of lightening the mood around here, I've decided to write about something that both flattered me, and gave me a really good giggle when I needed it.<br /><br />SH and I had made plans one Friday night to meet for dinner after work. We picked a place downtown, so I wouldn't have to drive too far, and he decided to get there a little before me to ensure we got in.<br /><br />When I got there, my husband stood up to greet me by giving me a light peck on the cheek. He took my coat, and our waiter - cute, about 25 - helped me into my seat. I was dressed up since I'd just come from work, and I noticed our waiter checking out my heels. I smiled, thinking how nice it was for him to notice something like that, and didn't think anything of it.<br /><br />He left us alone to look over the menus, and we made chit chat while we decided what to eat. After he decided what he was having, my husband excused himself to go to the restroom to wash his hands before dinner. I, apparently being a dirty girl, stayed at the table and ordered myself a drink.<br /><br />So our waiter came over to deliver my drink, and I thanked him and flashed a smile. And he stood there. So I took a sip, said <span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">"Mmm, heavenly"</span>, and waited for him to go. He continued to stand there.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">You've got a great laugh.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Oh? (laughing) Thanks!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Yeah, I heard you while I was getting your drink. It's infectious.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">(I keep laughing, thinking I must have been really loud)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">So...I realize this is kind of inappropriate...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">(I stop laughing and look at him)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">But would you like to maybe go for a drink sometime?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Wha...um...what?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Yeah, just...sometime...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Um, well actually...</span><br /><br />Then my husband walked over to the table, and the waiter took off. I figured that was the end of it.<br /><br />"How's your drink?" my husband asked.<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">"Good! You know what just happened? The waiter..."</span><br /><br />And then his cell phone rang. He checked the call display, it was his brother, so he looked at me, and I nodded for him to take it. (I have a real hate on for people that answer their cell during dinner, especially when they're in a restaurant.)<br /><br />He headed out to the lobby, and I could see him leaning against a wall, talking.<br /><br />I cast my eyes back to my drink.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Hi!</span><br />(The waiter was standing beside me again)<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Oh, hi!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">How's your drink?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">It's great, thanks!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">I apologize for earlier...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Oh, that's okay, no problem. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">(I smile at him)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">So what do you think? Can we get together for drinks?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Well, you know, I'm actually married....</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">You are?! To the guy you're here with?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Yeah, that's my husband.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Holy, I'm sorry. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Oh (laughing again) it's not a big deal. I'm flattered. Thank you.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Oh man, I feel so bad...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Really, don't worry about it!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Okay...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">(I keep waiting for him to walk away)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">...well, if you change your mind, I always work Friday nights.</span><br /><br />Wow. Talk about balls.<br /><br />When my husband came back to the table he was cranky about something his brother had said, so I just sat back with my drink, let him vent, and giggled to myself every time our waiter came to the table and winked at me.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-33818412261375910432009-03-23T21:37:00.000-05:002009-03-23T21:43:57.166-05:00I'm In the Midst of a Whole New ProblemFor the last two weeks, I've been struggling with something. Something that seems to be slowly overtaking me, so that I'm having trouble focusing on anything else. It's not bad, necessarily, but it makes it difficult to go about everyday life.<br /><br />It seems that I can't turn myself off. Sexually.<br /><br />Laugh if you must (I totally would if I was reading this), but I am being absolutely serious.<br /><br />I've always been a sexual person; never turning it down, never shying away, always up to try things, pretty much wanting it all the time...but these days, I can't turn it off! I am literally so turned on all the time, that it's hard doing everyday things.<br /><br />Yesterday afternoon, for example, I took my daughter out for a ride in her stroller, and while I was walking I became acutely aware of the way my levi's were rubbing between my legs. After watching a movie last night that had a fairly forgettable sex scene, I was aching for someones hands on me. This morning while I had a shower, before I knew what was happening I was slipping my fingers down my stomach...and each time I get turned on like that, I have to take care of business.<br /><br />It's funny that Button should have mentioned <a href="http://cuteasabutton-mybutton.blogspot.com/2009/03/spontaneously.html">this</a> last week, because it's happened about three times in the past week, without me even trying! It happened for the first time about a year ago, with a great deal of focus and concentration on my part. But since then, each time it happens seems to be a little easier, and now, apparently, it just happens at will.<br /><br />I don't know if it's happening more now because I'm not having sex with TDH anymore, so my body is trying to compensate, or what. My poor husband has been jumped far more than he would normally be ready for, but still nothing seems to satiate me. The instant we're done, I want more.<br /><br />I go to get groceries, I want more. I'm working, I want more. I'm talking to someone on the phone, I want more. It's never ending! And frankly, it's starting to get exhausting. Believe me, I love to be turned on, but it seems my husband, and me doing it myself, just aren't cutting it.<br /><br />The only thing I can think of to possibly cure me, is a marathon fuck-fest. Perhaps to the point where I'm having trouble walking. But when your husband can't (or isn't willing to give you what you want), and you're no longer on fuck terms with your lover, what's a girl to do?Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-27237309626756016762009-03-19T23:25:00.003-05:002009-03-19T23:43:38.828-05:00So What Do I Do Now?Over the past week I've been struggling with what to write. Do I do another update of the TDH situation? Do I post more stories of our affair in happier times? Do I write about what I want someone to do to me? How I feel the need to be ravaged? Do I continue posting at all?<br /><br />It's odd. When I started this blog I had so much to say - it all came tumbling out in this mixed up, crazy flood of information. Barely any rhyme or reason, just things I had to get out. And now? I still have so much to say, just not entirely sure how to say it, I suppose. But I think I'll stick around. I just need to figure out how I want to fit in now, and how Kate is going to stage her "comeback" so to speak :)<br /><br />For today though? Just a random list of snippets, to keep you up to speed.<br /><br />1. I've gone back to bare kitty. In fact, I did it a couple days before the affair ended. And this is how I'm going to stay; silky smooth.<br /><br />2. The comments on my last post were much appreciated. I know it probably isn't *completely* over, but I'm trying.<br /><br />3. I realize I'm probably delusional to keep thinking we can remain friends, but he's one of my best. I love him.<br /><br />4. That being said, we've seen each other about 3 times over the past week, and so far it's all been talk - talk about dirty things, and love without actually saying love.<br /><br />5. All the dirty talk has been from him. He's also the one who keeps finding ways for us to touch.<br /><br />6. Yesterday we were alone in a car, on the highway, for two hours. I kept my hands to myself, and he kept reaching out to touch a "hot zone" on my thigh.<br /><br />7. Does anyone else think that maybe it's <span style="font-style: italic;">him</span> that's not ready to let go?<br /><br />8. I apologize for my lack of commenting on other blogs lately. Bad Kate! I'll be better, I promise.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-39082737201150961632009-03-13T19:28:00.004-05:002009-03-13T20:55:29.894-05:00The Week and a Half Update<span style="font-style: italic;">*This post is erratic, and a bit sloppy. There are also little snippets of conversations everywhere. I apologize, but there are thoughts and feelings whipping around my brain at breakneck speed.</span><br /><br />Since the first couple days, where we texted back and forth, and talked on the phone a couple times, we've been fairly quiet towards each other. Quiet, I suppose, compared to the literal 100 or so texts we would send each other every day while we were still having the affair. Our texts and phone calls have been innocent, just regular chit-chat.<br /><br />Then yesterday he sent me a dirty text, right out of the blue. I played innocent, answering back to what he asked, and he came back with "You are far from innocent missy!" I texted back saying I had no idea what he was talking about, and didn't give anything more. Twenty minutes later he texted me again, "What are you wearing?"<br /><br />Oh boy. I was working from home yesterday. Thus, wasn't wearing much. I texted him back <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"pink lace tank, and white panties with pink lace around the legs,"</span> which was the truth. His response? "Innocent my ass!!! Is the tank new? Damn...I wish I could see you in it..."<br /><br />So these texts went back and forth, me never saying anything particularly dirty, but him going a bit wild with the vision of what I was wearing. My only slip was when he said "Nothing makes a board meeting better than sitting here thinking about someone, and of the way their pussy feels," and I responded with <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"Well as long as mine enters your stream of consciousness every once in a while..."</span><br /><br />He responded, "You know I'm only thinking of you, you're the one that I want."<br /><br />Goddammitmotherfucker.<br /><br />This morning I sent him a quick message, asking if he wanted to get together for coffee after work. He responded that he would love to, but it would have to be quick, since he was picking up his kid from daycare.<br /><br />I got to the coffee place before him, and sent him a message telling him I was at a table, and had gotten him his usual. Of course he would have to pick a place where it seems every construction worker in the city congregates. This coffee shop is always crawling with tradesmen, and as I looked around, I realized that every table was full, and I was one of only two women in there. I sent him a quick message <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"Hurry your ass up! I'm getting eye fucked by half the people in here!"</span><br /><br />Two minutes later he pulled up, and as I watched him walk from his car, I caught my breath. I hadn't realized how much I missed him. He strolled in with a grin on his gorgeous face, and I found myself grinning back like a little girl.<br /><br />He sat down and we immediately started talking, about his day, about mine, about our kids. It came easily, effortlessly, as things between us always have. It wasn't awkward, or uncomfortable, but natural. When we finally stopped talking for a moment, I looked up from my coffee to find him staring at me. It was that stare that looks past my eyes, right into my soul, that sucks the breath from my body, and would have made my legs weak if I'd been standing up. "You look good, Kate, really good. Gorgeous even."<br /><br />I blushed immediately, and thanked him. He looked around at all the guys seated around us, "No wonder you got eye fucked," he laughed. At one point he reached out and ran his finger down my arm, and it was all I could do not to shiver noticeably. It went on like that, us being happy and natural, till all too soon he said he had to leave to get to daycare.<br /><br />As we walked out to our cars, he stopped and said "Come give me a hug." I turned towards him, and he enveloped me in his arms. As I was breathing him in, he told me I smelled amazing, and then asked if I had gotten smaller. He has always teased me about being short, but today he really did seem absolutely enormous. Finally he let me go, and asked me to call him once I got in my car.<br /><br />As soon as I was driving, I called him. Again, we fell effortlessly into conversation, talking about our plans for the weekend, and the next week. Finally he said "I'm really glad you asked me to meet you Kate." To which I said<span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> "You know I always want to hang out with you, but you're so busy all the time, I hate for you to waste time with me." </span>He answered back sternly "My time is never wasted with you! You know that! Just seeing you makes me happy, brings me back to earth - when I'm with you I don't think about anything else. I don't stress or worry about anything. All I think about is you."<br /><br />Then I switched the conversation to what I was doing, since I had stopped at a mall, so I could browse while I was talking to him. He asked what I was looking at (clothes), and kept telling me to go try things on, and take pictures to send him. When I listed the colors of a particular shirt that I was looking at, he told me which color to pick, because he had always thought I looked pretty in this, or in that. He encouraged me to buy the sundress I was looking at, since he knew it would show my shoulders, which he loves.<br /><br />Then he said "Hey, aren't you going to be alone this weekend? Why don't you take some pictures for me?" I thought about that for a moment, then said <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"What kind of pictures?"</span> He said "Just you, in your new clothes, or...whatever." I could hear him grinning on the other end of the phone. <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"Well really, I can't send you anything dirty, since we're done being bad..." </span>His response was too perfect "Well, just think, if I was to see you on a beach, I'd be seeing a lot of skin. So you can show me that much skin...and well, if you happen to have a sexy smile, or maybe you're laying in such a way that I can see a little more....then so be it!" <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"We'll see,"</span> I told him.<br /><br />Then we slipped back into casual conversation, before he suddenly said "I didn't realize how much I missed you until I saw your face. I miss you a lot. When I walked in, and saw you...it hit me." <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"I know..."</span> I whispered back, <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"I miss you too."</span><br /><br />And I do miss him, immensely, but ending the affair was still the right thing to do. I can honestly say that I don't regret it, and that I haven't cried or been distraught since we decided it was done. How that is possible, I have no idea. My only guess is that it had become so complicated, and so messy, that it was a relief to say it was over.<br /><br />Am I still in love with him? Oh god, yes.<br /><br />Do I still want him? Oooh, yes.<br /><br />Would I let it get physical again? I'm leaving that purely up to him. I won't be the one to instigate it though.<br /><br />So for now, it's still over. I don't know if it will last or not. But for now at least, we're both happy, which is what we want for each other. We'll keep flirting, and joking, and seeing each other, but beyond <span style="font-style: italic;">talking</span> about how we feel? I honestly don't know.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-61152572418922288742009-03-10T12:10:00.000-05:002009-03-10T12:25:18.715-05:00And As Quickly As It Began, It Was OverI've been gone for nearly a month, so let's back up the truck a bit.<br /><br />When I wrote that last post, about how confused I was, and how it was glaringly obvious that TDH was in the same boat, I was actually teetering on the edge between wanting the affair to be over, and desperately trying to hold on to it. I had begun to remove myself from the situation a little, and try to see it in it's entirety, instead of just the little part I was trying to hold on to. Once I did that, I realized that I didn't like what I was seeing.<br /><br />I'm a confident person. Not arrogant or high on myself, but sure of myself, my abilities, and my mindset. When I pulled back from the affair a little, I realized that I was losing myself in it. I was becoming timid, and unsure, and clinging to something that just wasn't meant to be.<br /><br />And crazy as it may seem, someone that I've just "met" really put it into perspective for me when in an email, he said: You deserve better. Think about why you started seeing him in the first place--he was giving you what you needed. Ask yourself: is he still?<br /><br />The answer was no. He wasn't, and therefore neither was the affair.<br /><br />There are two reasons I was holding on to something that in my heart of hearts, I knew was doomed - I love him, and I was scared that ending the affair would mean I would lose him completely. Because beyond our affair, we were great friends, and still were - and that was just something I wasn't willing to risk.<br /><br />Two weeks ago he sent me a text - it said "We need to talk. Face to face." I didn't panic or cry, I just said that sounded like a good idea to me, and when could we get together? Turns out we couldn't see each other in person for about 5 days. So I went to meet up with him feeling a little nervous, but oddly content, because I knew that soon it would be over.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">As a side note - how bizarre is that? Being happy to end an affair that you actually still want to be involved in?</span><br /><br />Anyways, we met, I jumped in his car, and we started talking. We were both happy to see each other, and began talking about anything and everything, except the affair. Forty-five minutes later I stepped out of his car, got into mine, and drove home. As I drove away I cursed myself for not ending it when I had the chance.<br /><br />Later that day he sent me another text, "We still have to talk."<br /><br />Talk about dragging it out.<br /><br />Wednesday I called him. This is how the first minute played out:<br /><br />TDH - I don't know how to start this...I guess...just...well, I've been doing some thinking...<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - Uh huh?</span><br />TDH - Yeah...<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - Go on.</span><br />TDH - Well...I think the affair portion of our relationship has to be over. (Then he started talking really fast.) You know I love you, but I've been thinking about my relationship with my wife, and I really want to make it work with her. And it's been really hard, trying to be fair to you when I'm trying to make it work with her, and I...<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - I completely agree with you.</span><br />TDH - (shocked silence)<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - Hello?</span><br />TDH - You...you do?<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - Yeah. This is just getting too hard. I love you, but this relationship is making me crazy. I'm not even myself anymore.</span><br />TDH - Wow.<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - What?</span><br />TDH - This is just...so much easier than I thought it was going to be!<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - Well to tell you the truth, I was hoping it would have been over a couple weeks ago, but I just couldn't make myself do it, because I was scared of losing you completely.</span><br />TDH - I know! I never want to be without you Kate, you know that, but for now I need to focus on my marriage.<br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate - I get that, don't worry! This is what I want too.</span><br />TDH - So when can we hang out? I miss seeing you.<br /><br />And since that day, which was 6 days ago, we've talked on the phone and over text, and it's amazing how much happier we both are. I'm not worried about slipping back into the affair, because we were both ready for it to be over. Though I must confess, over the rest of our "break-up" talk, he made it perfectly clear that should his relationship with his wife not work out, he would be knocking at my door.<br /><br /><br />So now I'm happy...and content, and at peace, and delighted that we're in a good place. I love him, and will continue to, but for now, we're where we should be.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-8703655653381116002009-02-25T00:09:00.003-06:002009-02-25T01:24:05.426-06:00K-A-T-E Spells: Confused<span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">This affair has turned into so much </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">more</span><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> than an affair. It has morphed into something far beyond the jumping off point of sneaky caresses, stolen moments, back roads fucking, liking, respecting, and loving each other into this whole other...thing.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Instead of lunch breaks spent hiding out in some parking lot, or the dark corner booth of some restaurant, it's become public coffee meetings, phone calls while we grocery shop, once a week private meetings, dirty pictures and msn chats, with the occasional profession of love thrown in for good measure.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH is struggling at the moment. He's going through some fairly significant health issues, is having an all out battle with his morals, and because of both of those, he's also dealing with his own mortality. I'm trying to be supportive and to give him as much space and/or support as he needs, but all his struggling is resulting in him being someone who is increasingly hard to understand.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">On the one hand he wants to devote himself to his wife, to repairing their marriage and being "committed" to her. On the other hand there's me. Me along with his wife, as has been going on for over 2 years now. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">A week or so ago this all came tumbling out. It seems though, that regardless of what his choice is, I'm still included in his life. Confused? Yeah, me too. So what does this mean? He loves me - he doesn't - he wants to have sex - no he doesn't - apparently the line that has to be crossed to achieve his relationship with me changes everyday. Some days it's no problem for us to be walking to our cars after having coffee and for him to shove me between two cars, shove his hand into my panties, and kiss me till I'm breathless. Other days he's standoffish, and we chat on the phone or over text like we're nothing more than good friends.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">As he tried to explain this all to me, and I listened, trying to wrap my head around it - I finally just blurted out "Well, maybe if I was out of your life, you wouldn't be struggling with your morals, and it might help you to focus on your marriage."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">His reply to that? "Nope. It doesn't work that way. I need you in my life - no out for you. The struggle is not part of how I feel about you - that hasn't changed - and won't - I don't want to end it with you - of course I feel things for you (that'd be LOVE btw) - this struggle has to do with the affect of my choices in balancing my life..."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Still confused? Yep, me too.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">The next night we were chatting online and the current line of conversation was how he would like me to greet him at the door when he got home from work </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">if we were married</span><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. I was in the middle of explaining a whole modern-day housewife look - stilettos, apron, button up dress with a hint of black lace peeking out, fresh lipstick and dinner in the oven - when he says this:</span><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">mmmmm - can you just come over and spend the night? </span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I'll sneak you into my room after my kid goes to bed</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">If I could, I would</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Tell your husband some friend is having a crisis</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">and you have to go see them</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">I can't!!</span> </span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">my wife is away, it's a perfect time </span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Don't tempt me...</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I'm not tempting you - I'm flat out asking you to sneak over here for the night</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">I can't.</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">come and spend the night with me - at least part of it</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Kate says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">I can't, but believe me - there is nothing I would rather do</span> </span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">TDH says:</span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I want you to come. Please. I want you here...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">*I wasn't able to go over that night, but damn, I would really have loved to!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Anyways, then yesterday we were talking about our weekends, and I asked him how his was. He says "It was great. It was so nice to be able to spend time with my wife."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">What the fuck? I mean, I'm supportive of you patching things up with your wife, and I know that you're supportive of me staying with my husband, but seriously? I don't want to hear about how nice it was to spend time with her. Don't lovers realize that? I mean, we both know each other is married, and in passing we do bring up our spouses from time to time, but I would never tell him how it was so great to spend time with my husband, because I know that would bother him.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So essentially, all I know from all this is that he loves me, and still wants me, but just how much he will allow himself to </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">have</span><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> me will change from day to day.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">If I wasn't in love with him...</span><br /></div>Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-91749639319656013132009-02-14T08:21:00.000-06:002009-02-14T08:21:00.524-06:00In Honor of Valentine's DayAs I've mentioned before, sex with TDH is phenomenal. That's not to say that I don't enjoy myself with SH - because I do - but with TDH sex feels the way I think it's "supposed" to feel. Intoxicating, breathtaking, flushed perfection.<br /><br />He likes for me to be completely naked, and always prefers for there to be some form of light filtering in, so that he can take me in. He's incredibly quick at removing my clothes, but does it in such a way that I don't even realize I'm naked until he's pulled away from me, and is staring. He always says something like "My god, you are so beautiful," and will give me an incredibly slow, deep kiss, and it's almost as though he's seeing me for the first time.<br /><br />Every move he makes when we're together is natural, and fluid - thought out, but impulsive. When I'm on top and he decides he wants me on my back, the way he flips me around almost seems effortless. He knows every spot that I ache for him to touch, and likes to kiss and nibble my entire body. When we're right in the heat of it, and there's no love making, just fucking, he still pauses long enough to whisper in his deep, smooth voice, "kiss me." And I do.<br /><br />Even when we're in a hurry, he always takes the time to caress me, run his hands through my hair, look me deep in the eyes, marvel over my body, bite his way up one leg and down the other, and always, always makes me feel beautiful.<br /><br />Sometimes now, we'll talk about what it's like when we have sex, and he often comments on parts of my body that I've never given a second thought to, or have always hated about myself. He tells me that I have the most perfect nipples, the most beautiful pink color, the perfect shape, the perfect size. He talks about how the color of my eyes is the most amazing color he's ever seen. He says he wants the walls in his house to be their exact shade of slate, so that everywhere he looks, he sees me. He tells me that I have a sexy back, and that he could spend hours running his fingers up and down my spine. He tells me that the way his cock fits so perfectly inside me gives him a pleasure that nothing else could.<br /><br />I think one of the reasons sex with him is so amazing, is because he's incredibly passionate. He's passionate about me, about what we're doing, about taking each time we have with each other as a gift, so he doesn't want to waste it.<br /><br />All I want today, is him.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-32425549649876942862009-02-06T10:22:00.002-06:002009-02-06T10:47:03.457-06:00Okay, So We Had It OutI'm not going to go into the details, but this week TDH and I had it out about the weirdness between us. Via text message of all the ways to do it. I don't know if anyone else has ever had an argument over text, but it's maddening. Unfortunately at the time, he wasn't able to call me, and I just couldn't wait 5 hours until he was able to, so texting it was.<br />It was scary, and harsh, and some things came to light that terrified us both, but for now at least, I think we're moving back to where we were.<br /><br />I'm sorry to all my male readers, but I need to generalize here, just for my own sanity...why is it that men <span style="font-style: italic;">insist</span> nothing is wrong until they make the woman (or at least <span style="font-style: italic;">one of</span> the women) in their life nearly have a breakdown, because the woman is smart enough to know something is up, then eventually the man just lets it all pour out, when if he had just confessed what was going on in the first place, the entire fight/argument/misunderstanding could have been avoided in the first place?!?!? Fuck.<br /><br />*I know all men aren't really like this - but in my experiences with both SH and TDH, this is always the case.<br /><br />Anyways, part of what came out is that I haven't been myself lately. I have to admit though, that I knew this was the case, and that TDH was not the first person to mention it to me. I'm taking steps (not just for him, but for myself) to get myself back on track, and I'm feeling better already.<br /><br />One of the things he said to me was "I just want my Kate back."<br />That hurt, but I know he's right - Kate needs to step back into the picture.<br /><br /><br /><br />On a happier note, no matter what our emotional standing, our sexual desire for each other never seems to waver - big surprise. When we can't see each other in person, we make great use of our webcams, and since the text "breakthrough" we seem to be using them even more.<br />His latest idea is to buy me about 50 feet of extra cable, so that I can drag the cam around with me so that he never has to miss out on what I'm doing during the day. Of course, he seems to be particularly interested in what goes on while I shower, get dressed, masturbate, etc. So we'll see what happens...Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-86634264656674964112009-02-01T14:06:00.003-06:002009-02-01T14:38:48.965-06:00Random Thoughts As a Way of Catching UpI do apologize for being so sporadic with my posts. But when you have a husband that works shift-work, and is on the craziest schedule imaginable, it can be difficult to get to the computer when it's "safe".<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">**********<br /></div><br />Life in general has been insanely busy, without anything really going on. A bit of a contradiction there I realize, but it seems the best way to explain it. I guess I mean there have been no big events worth mentioning, but work is crazy, DD is learning new things by the day, I've been busy with girlfriends, and SH has been surprisingly attentive over the past month.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">**********<br /></div><br />Since the "fight" between TDH and I way back at the beginning of January, it seems that things haven't quite gotten back to normal. We did finally get to see each other mid-January - and it was bitter-sweet. The bitter-sweetness was because we were sort of arguing via text while I was on my way to his place, then when I got there it was awkward.<br />See, I wanted to walk in the door and straighten all the bullshit from our fight out right away, but as soon as I walked in his face lit up, and he wrapped his arms around me, and then...well, you know...I was pretty much putty.<br />Though I must applaud myself, when I finally dis-entangled myself from his arms, I did sit on the opposite side of the couch from him and tell him we needed to straighten things out.<br />But you know, then he's insisting that everything is fine, and he's tilting his head and grinning at me, and asking me to go get something from my jacket because "then I can watch you walk over there."<br />Anyways, we talked for about half an hour, then he wanted to show me something he'd bought himself after Christmas, but when I followed him down the hall, suddenly I was pressed up against the wall, and my shirt was off, and he was kissing me so hard I could barely breathe, and then my pants were unbuttoned...and damn. I left 45 minutes later (late for an appointment) with my hair all over the fucking place, bite marks on my neck (thank god for long hair!), his scent on my skin, and damp panties.<br />We've seen each other a few times since then, all in public settings where we have to sit at a table and play innocent, but still, I love those times together.<br />But here's where I'm confused - prior to our fight, nearly every conversation with TDH was littered with <span style="font-style: italic;">I like yous</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">I love yous</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">I miss yous</span> - but since the fight? Nada. If I say it first he's always quick to say it back, but he's quit saying it on his own.<br />I have asked him about it, but he insists that he still feels the same, and that "You should know how I feel about you by now." I told him that that's true, I believe I do know how he feels, but isn't it nice to have someone tell you once in a while?<br /><br />Someone tell me - am I just being supremely annoying and needy about this? I've only asked him about it that once, but I'm thinking about it constantly. And it wouldn't bother me so much if he hadn't always been so forthcoming with emotions like that in the past.<br /><br />Thoughts? Anyone?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">**********<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Thank you all so much for your advice on my "gardening dilemma". Your answers were all great, and some of them had me literally laughing out loud to myself. I did answer you all in my comments.<br />I agree with the majority of you as well, that a bare kitty is the best one, but - the things we do for our lovers, right?<br />Anyways, I do believe I've decided to go with just a small strip for now, and see how I feel about that. TDH is so excited (what a thing to get excited about, lol) that he says the anticipation is almost more than he can take.<br /></div></div>Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-41409365899626310252009-01-28T15:44:00.002-06:002009-01-28T16:37:43.522-06:00The Perils of Grocery ShoppingSince TDH and I don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like, we often talk on the phone while we're going about our everyday lives. It's not like we do anything particularly exciting, just day to day stuff, things that need to be done, but that seem to be more fun because we have each other for entertainment.<br />While he's driving home from work, when he's on his way to Home Depot, while we're driving to see each other, while I'm headed to the gym - essentially whenever one of us is out of the house without our spouse, and when the other can get a moment alone, we're on the phone.<br />We must get annoying to the cashiers in all these places, because often we're each wearing our headset, thus carrying on a conversation with essentially no one. I know I've gotten dirty looks before. So what I try to do now is to put him on hold, so I can pay attention to whoever is helping me out, then beep back when I'm through paying.<br />One thing we do love to do though (and that we do more and more often) is when one of us has to stop in at someones house, or have a conversation with someone, we'll keep the other person on the line so they can hear what's going on. This often results in whoever is just listening in, whispering dirty thoughts into the phone, while the one involved in face to face communication with someone has to try and carry on a normal exchange.<br />Lots of times the result of this is sudden outbursts of laughter, or him whispering "fuuuuuck" under his breath while I'm telling him what I wish I was doing to him. It's almost turned into a game now - see if we can make the other person laugh, or see how turned on we can get them before they head back to their car.<br />But still, one of my favourite things (and his) is going grocery shopping, because many times we seem to be grocery shopping at the same time, though on opposite sides of the city. We just walk around, chatting to each other about what we're buying, telling each other what's good, and most of the time we end up buying wacky stuff, just because we get distracted by talking. I guess one of the reasons we like it most is because grocery shopping is such a normal, "married" couple thing.<br />I know, danger, danger, danger :)Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-29209396464551580012009-01-22T11:13:00.003-06:002009-01-22T11:54:59.836-06:00I Need Some AdviceNothing serious, and in fact, pretty much the exact opposite of serious.<br /><br />Okay, now how to put this...<br /><br />When it comes to my nether-regions, I have a clean slate. There is no 70's bush, no landing strip, no nothing. I like the bare look.<br /><br />Essentially what I'm trying to say is that I have no pubic hair :)<br /><br />I started going bare when I was about 15 or so, and I've just never went back, I love it. SH doesn't seem to care either way (big surprise, he doesn't really have an opinion about it), but TDH loves it.<br /><br />So the other day TDH and I somehow got on the topic of grooming. He asked me how long I had been tending things this way, and then said "Hmm, I wonder what you would look like with a strip or something?"<br /><br />As the conversation went on, he said that he prefers me to be bare, but that now his interest was piqued as to what I would look like with a bit of...garden...so he asked me to let it grow so he could see what it was like. He said to do whatever I wanted with it, he was just curious.<br /><br />So here's where I need the advice. What do any of you find sexy on a woman? What do you do yourself? A strip? Regular old bush, just kept trimmed? In a heart shape? Glitter?Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-58999651584805916692009-01-19T11:38:00.001-06:002009-01-19T11:38:01.211-06:00The Day I Let the "L-word" Take OverDarling Daughter (DD) was born last year. That first night after she was born, I barely slept. She seemed only to be content nestled up to my chest, and SH didn't sleep either, sitting up in an uncomfortable chair in my hospital room.<br /><br />The second night was more of the same, so by the time that morning rolled around, we were beyond exhausted. We were to be discharged from the hospital by lunch, so while SH was taking care of the paperwork, I flipped by cell phone on for the first time in three days. Seconds after I turned it on, there was a succession of dings as messages began coming through, and I delighted in reading all the congratulations. In the middle of all those, there was one from TDH, it read:<span style="font-style: italic;"> Hi. It's 3am and I'm awake and thinking about you :) I hope you're having a great night. I miss you - a lot.</span><br /><br />I texted him back immediately (since by now it was around 9am) and he was happy to hear from me. He asked me how the baby was, how the birth went, if I was okay. I told him that we were fine, and that I would love to be able to see him, and introduce him to my daughter. He replied: <span style="font-style: italic;">That would make me incredibly happy :) oh God Kate, you do crazy things to me - I miss you so damn much.</span><br /><br />I remember teasing him about being so mushy - he never has had a problem telling me his feelings - but in that moment his messages just seemed so much more vulnerable (hard to tell via text I realize, but to me it was obvious). When I asked him about his emotions, he said: <span style="font-style: italic;">I don't know, when you love someone eventually the flood gates can't hold it all back anymore :)</span><br /><br />I also remember at that moment thinking to myself "This is completely insane! I just gave birth, I'm sitting here waiting for SH to pack us up to go home, and all I can think of is my lover, and how much I wish he were here right now."<br /><br />I told TDH as much, saying that he must be crazy for feeling this way about a woman that just gave birth to a child that wasn't even his. He replied: <span style="font-style: italic;">The only crazy in my life is that I'm crazy about you Katiecat :)</span><br /><br />I, of course, was sitting there with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face - high on my new baby, and the fact that he was being so amazing - when I snapped to my senses and told him that I should really go, because SH would be back soon. I said I'd try to get out to see him as soon as possible. He sent one last message that day that said: <span style="font-style: italic;">Perfect :) well I better go before he comes back. I love you Kate, and miss you like crazy.</span><br /><br />And that exact moment is when I finally let my heart melt into the puddle it had been threatening for so long, and admit that I really loved him. Like really and truly loved him. And not only that, but I was <span style="font-style: italic;">in</span> love with him.<br /><br />I had known it long before that, but had always kept it at bay. He had told me several times during moments of passion that he loved me, and I always responded that I loved him too (because I knew I did), but this was different. This wasn't us in the middle of a sexual frenzy. This was him at home, worrying and missing me, and seeing me looking my most horrific after having just had a baby (SH was sending photos of DD and I from his phone to everyone), and yet still feeling the way he did.<br /><br />I posted pictures of DD and I a couple days later on facebook - me still looking ghostly pale, with huge black circles under my eyes from lack of sleep - and he was emailing me instantly, telling me that I had never looked more gorgeous, and that he couldn't wait to wrap his arms around me and just hold me.<br /><br />Now how is an exhausted woman, euphoric on her new baby, supposed to contend with that?<br /><br /><br />LOL - I know, I know. I was in over my head <span style="font-style: italic;">long</span> before that moment :)Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-26260762829127941892009-01-17T16:40:00.001-06:002009-01-17T17:06:00.212-06:00This Made Me SmileI don't think I've touched on this yet, but since we've been found out, TDH has gotten a job elsewhere, and after my maternity was up, I went back to my old job. However, I am seriously looking to find another job, as the place just doesn't feel right to me anymore.<br />This makes TDH happy because he knows that I'm unhappy there, but worried because he knows that me finding another job (in a male dominated field) will mean new men around me. As mean as this may make me seem, I like his worry. Once in a great, great while - it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who gets paranoid.<br /><br /><br />The following msn conversation took place yesterday afternoon:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: You'll get a new job, and love it there - (with all the old ladies)</span><br />Kate says: With all the men I can flirt my way to the top with, you mean?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: No men - only old ladies - who haven't been laid in 20 years </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: You'll be their savior! And make them all want to go out and get freaky!</span> <br />Kate says: Yeah, I'd rather work with the dudes<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: You'll tell them stories about your last job - and how you got freaky with one of your co-workers on the boardroom table (but they can't tell your husband...etc) </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> TDH says: You'll bring a sexual revolution to the company of oldies</span><br />Kate says: There will be dudes - sorry babe<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: Yeah - there might be - but they will be ugly, and be about as dumb as rocks </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: Sorry to <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> babe</span><br />Kate says: Don't worry - no one else is crazy enough to think about me the way you do<br />Kate says: All I know is that there will be men - but that I won't think about them in any other way than work people, and they will think of me as that loud, annoying woman they work with<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: They will like you - and be attracted to you - I know - I used to work with you - I saw the way others looked at you </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: Especially in those fucking heels - mmmmmmmmmm</span><br />Kate says: You saw the way <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> looked at me - that's it<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: And Kevin, and Aaron.... (I think his name was Aaron)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: I even saw Todd checking out your legs - </span><br />Kate says: Who? Aaron?<span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> TDH says: Tall guy, with glasses </span><br />Kate says: Eric?!??!!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: Aaron... no - that wasn't his name - I dunno - </span><br />Kate says: Really????<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: Yeah! Eric! </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: Marshall!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> TDH says: Yeah - when you walked by, he always looked back</span><br />Kate says: Oh man...new topic!!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: And once you were standing at Dawn's desk - with a skirt, and you were kind of bent over her desk talking to her - more leaning on it, and I saw Todd's eyes travel up your legs</span><br />Kate says: Fuck off<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: I don't know who you were talking to - but I saw his eyes</span><br />Kate says: Okay - enough<br />Kate says: Really!!!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: I'm telling you - you are one hot mama! - and it's not just me that thinks that! Sorry - guys will check you out - it's a fact of life</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: I wish I could hire you to work for me, and I'd hide you away so I wouldn't have to share you with anyone</span><br />Kate says: LOL! You can't hide me away - I have to work <span style="font-style: italic;">somewhere</span>!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">TDH says: It actually worries me - you obviously don't see yourself the way other people do - guys are going to be falling for you all over the place...</span><br /><br />I went to sleep last night with a blissful, sadistic little grin on my face.<br />Yes I did.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-11612397171924463242009-01-15T11:07:00.001-06:002009-01-15T11:09:41.752-06:00Hi BabesSorry I've been MIA this week - SH has been home for 4 days, therefore not letting me out of his sight. It would be better if that was because we were having so much crazy sex that I couldn't get to the computer, but we all know that's not the case. sigh.<br />Anyways, he'll be off to work on Saturday, so I'll be back to post and catch up with all of you then.<br /><br />Love.Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-993030526037111742009-01-12T18:12:00.001-06:002009-01-12T18:17:22.924-06:00I'll Never Complain About a Board Room Meeting...TDH and I are on the mend from last week's misunderstanding/blog discovery/fight extraordinaire, and are slowly, but surely, getting back to normal. Today we texted through the morning, and had a two hour phone call this afternoon. Though things are back to happy in that way, we have yet to see each other in person...it's been since December 19th people!!! Too long.<br /><br />Anyways, as a way of cheering myself up further, and posting something other than a dreary fight recap, or a sniffle-worthy depiction of how much I love him, I figured I'd do something different...I'd recap all the places I can remember us having sex.<br /><br />Before that though, can I just say that this man is an absolute <span style="font-style: italic;">God</span> in the sack? Like maddeningly scream-worthy, every touch makes me shudder in happiness and excitement, I want to fuck you till I can't walk, mind-blowingly phenomenal? Oy. My toes curl just thinking about it.<br /><br /><br />So without dragging this out further, let me begin:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">At The Office</span><br />My desk*<br />Up against the wall in my office*<br />His desk<br />Various locations on the floor in his office<br />A co-workers desk*<br />That same co-workers desk chair<br />Up against that same co-workers wall*<br />The board room table (one of my personal favorites)<br />Various cubicles around the main part of our office*<br />The front desk of our offices - right where the bitchy secretary sits<br />The stairwell*<br /><br />Honorable mention goes out to the elevator, various hallways in our office building, and the staff kitchen for hosting various other sexual activities.<br /><span style="font-size:85%;">*The starred listings are those that have been used during working hours as well, when other people were around.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">His House</span><br />Living room couch<br />Living room floor<br />Floor of his home office<br />Balanced on the back of the couch in the basement<br />Pull-out couch in the basement<br />Garage<br />Hood of his wife's car while it was parked in the garage<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">My House</span><br />Living room couch<br />Up against the wall in my kitchen<br />My guest bedroom bed<br />My bed<br />The floor in the living room<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Otherwise</span><br />Backseat of my car<br />Front seat of my car<br />Hood of my car<br />Hood of his car<br />Against a tree at a nearby beach<br />Various parking lots or secluded roads around the city<br /> -we often joke that our DNA can be found randomly around the city because of the "clean-up evidence" being scattered everywhere<br /><br />Now that's a fairly extensive list, and some of them have been used more than once (did I mention how much I love the board room table?), but I have a few others that I have been dying to try out. For example: my dining room table, the staircase at his house, up against the windows in my office downtown, in the change rooms at Victoria's Secret (he loves going there with me to pick things out).<br /><br />Sigh. I need to see him in person. Time to get some :)Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4918408571241391177.post-46740048340186965062009-01-08T14:11:00.003-06:002009-01-08T14:46:37.666-06:00Update on the TDH SituationAfter our phone conversation on Tuesday where I was slammed with him finding my blog, I got a few more text messages from him before his wife got home and it was completely unsafe.<br />It seems that the part of my post that bothered him the most was when I said that I was leaving the work up to him for now, and in particular, the last line "If he still wants me, he knows how to find me."<br />He sent me a text about that line that said <span style="font-style: italic;">The one thing I do know is that this will not become a single sided driven relationship. I am not going to "do all the work" - it's equal effort or nothing.</span><br /><br />Then he said it was unsafe to text back because his wife was around, and we would talk about it more on Wednesday - aaaah! To get a message like that and not be able to defend yourself is a terrible feeling. I <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> know he was taking things the wrong way because his feelings were hurt about the entire thing, but holy, talk about taking things out of context!<br /><br />So yesterday morning I tried to explain to him that if he had stood back and looked at that entire paragraph, I was referring to him putting in the effort with texts, saying he missed me, initiating us seeing each other, that stuff. He normally is great with that stuff, but as of late I've been feeling sort of ignored.<br /><br />We went back and forth via text on it, and I tried to get him to understand that it was my insecurity talking, not how I felt about our relationship. In the end, I decided that no matter what I told him, he had to work through it himself, which he basically told me anyways.<br /><br />Finally I just sent him a message that said <span style="font-style: italic;">Are we going to recover from this?</span> Because honestly, I've never had him mad at me before, and the way he was talking the night before, I thought we were probably over. He came back with <span style="font-style: italic;">If you're interested in recovering, then sure, why not?</span> To tell you the truth, I was almost surprised.<br /><br />Around lunch yesterday I sent him a "normal" text asking how work was going, to which he sent me a polite answer, and that continued throughout the day, with him sounding a little more like himself with each message. Late in the afternoon I had to run out to do some errands, so we arranged for me to call him.<br /><br />Oh my. The first 15 minutes of that conversation were awkward to say the least, but half an hour later we had each other laughing, and were talking fairly normally.<br /><br />Today we've been texting all day, and we both seem to be in good spirits. Thank god.<br /><br />**************************************<br /><br />The one thing I've learned from this entire fight, is that my insecurity is what leads to a lot of misunderstandings we have. He actually made that painfully clear (unintentionally) when during our phone fight he said "I thought I had made it perfectly clear to you the way I feel about you. I was 100% confident in our relationship and us being together, how can you be so unsure?"<br />And when I really think about it, besides going through the occasional "We can't have sex anymore" moment, he has never given me any reason to doubt him, to doubt the way he feels about me, to doubt that he loves me.<br /><br />I was never insecure with SH, and now it's almost as though I don't exist most of the time in his eyes, outside of being a roommate. I wonder then if I'm <span style="font-style: italic;">overly</span> insecure with TDH, because I'm scared of the same thing happening with him?Insatiable Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02998768836689950660noreply@blogger.com9